Tuesday, December 15, 2009

What does it feel like when someone questions your commitment? Not too good, when you’ve sat late nights, weekends, holidays to ensure that work gets done on time.

At this point of time nothing seems more enticing than an ‘erase and rewind’ button – a means of getting back to the past, to the time when wrong decisions were made, so I can correct them.

I have no idea what to think right now. Just when I had thought that this is what I wanted to do, that this is where I belonged, doubts have resurfaced – uglier, greater and more powerful. I guess as we grow older, everything else grows too – fears, doubts, insecurities…

I am really so average. There is nothing that I am really good at.

I can sing – but I am not too good at it.

I can dance – but I am not too good at it.

I can write – but again, I am not too good at it.

I am creative – but only so much.

I can cook – but only the basic stuff.

I am not a good-housekeeper, and neither am I a thorough professional who knows how to handle responsibility and take tough decisions.

What am I, really? What am I good at?

I am not even a spiritually strong person who walks constantly with the Lord.

I am nothing – just an average, run-of-the-mill person, who doesn’t make any difference, whatsoever.

I am not an asset for anyone – neither professionally, nor personally.

Why do I exist at all? Could there be a purpose behind my existence? At this point of time, nothing seems to be making any sense at all.


  1. I had wanted to reply to this post of yours earlier

    But the security at work did not allow me.

    So here it is,

    After reading this post, one verse from "your" book :-D
    came to mind

    Psalm 118:22.


  2. @V
    Thanks a bunch. You have no idea what it means to me. :)