Saturday, October 24, 2015

As I sift through the pictures

As I sift through the pictures on your timeline
Wondering what I must have been doing
On the 22nd of November 2012 when you were uploading
That beautiful photograph of a kite
I realize how difficult it will be to forget you once this is over.

All I can think of is how I will miss the way you pore over blank spaces –
Pages, walls, desks, bare arms and backs –
Spilling bits of your soul on to them as if they were nothing.
Bits I want to gather and collect and preserve and stare at for the rest of my life.
Bits which I let slip through my fingers because I know you won’t stay.

Or how I will miss the way the colour of my skin pales against yours.
Oh that gorgeous gorgeous colour.
Or how I will miss your monosyllabic responses, always more intense and more powerful
Than the hundred meaningless words that I type and delete and retype
For an excuse of a living.

I can think of a million ways in which you’ll come rushing into my thoughts.
Of a million ways and one in which my heart will jump to my mouth
When I see someone who has your hair. Or your high cheeks. Or a t-shirt that you used to wear.
Of a million excuses that I’ll find to run into you somehow
But throw them away because… Because.

As I sift through the pictures on your timeline
Wondering how outrageously similar our journeys have been
And how it is a shame that our paths took so long to cross
Even though we kept hovering around each other
I realize how hopelessly I have fallen. And how difficult it will be to forget you once this is over.


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