Am I fake or am I fake?!!

Am I fake? That's the question I have been asking myself ever since a friend of mine told me that I am! He feels that since I do not express my emotions and shout at him when I feel like, I am, well, fake. I had never thought of it that way! I feel that emotions should not be shown but understood. And of course, I feel this way because of the experiences that I have had in the past, where the display of emotions was interpreted in the most ghastly manner that one can think of!!

But does that mean that I am fake? I am much confused!! And the more I think of it, the more confused I become!!

Lets try checking the fake-o-meter.

Q.1. Do I smile at people I dislike?

Options: Yes/ No/ Sometimes

Ans. Sometimes.

Q.2. Do I speak sweetly to people even if I feel like chopping their heads off?

Options: Yes/ No/ Sometimes

Ans. Yes. (In fact most of the times!!)

Q.3. Do I say that I am comfortable even when I am not?

Options: Yes/ No/ Sometimes

Ans. Sometimes. (Depends on who I am with)

Q.4. Do I pretend that I love a particular idea even when I don't understand a sh** about it just because I don't want to hurt the other person?

Options: Yes/ No/ Sometimes

Ans. Yes. (This happens almost all the time!)

Omigosh!! So I am fake after all!!!

But then how do you define fake? Does expressing your emotions openly make you un-fake?

What about that certain character then, who swears at every word and calls everybody names, and reacts to everybody according to the "mood" she is in? Is she real then? A "genuine" friend?? The last time I heard, she was sinking deeper into her self-dug well of unadaptability!

I don't know what real or fake is. But I do know that for me to really open up and be myself with somebody, he/ she needs to win my complete trust. And even after that happens, I would not like to express my discernment at every word just because I don't agree. Just imagine being with a friend who throws tantrums at every instant and disagrees with everything that you say! What a horrible friend that would be! Would you be happy with that friend because he/ she is honest? I would run away!

But yeah, I do understand the need for a friend who gives a true opinion of things, who dares to differ from me and the world. But over time, we make such friends. We don't just find them. And we can't just transform and become such a friend one fine day! It needs to be worked towards. At least that's what I believe in!!