"Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing." From the T.V. series Ally McBeal
Does this actually apply to me? Do I hold out for everything? Do I try to find Mr. Right in every person I meet? Which is why I am single till now?!
I dunno. Maybe it is true in a way. Maybe I get too involved with everybody and that is why I do not have anybody as mine alone!
I dunno what I am! I dunno what I want. Or who for that matter. I never intend to be a certain person for someone so that he notices me and starts liking me and perhaps someday starts loving me. Neither do I intend to be somebody to have the exactly opposite reaction from anybody! I am just, well, me!! With my share of idiosyncracies, my share of evil and my share of intelligence and stupidity.
This world is too complicated I guess! Or perhaps I am making it complicated myself! Why should it matter whether I am single or not?! Why should it matter if somebody loves me or not? Why should it matter if somebody wants me or not!!
And yet, in a strange way it does! Or does it?!!
And I feel really disgusted when people say that looks is what will get you your man! I mean, is everything really so shallow? Does life long compatibility mean nothing? Is it just a myth? Is there nothing like love beyond colour, shape and size? Is everything really dependant on, well, sex?!!
I find it so hard to say yes to all of that!!
Why should it be like that? Whatever happened to good old abstinence and waiting for marriage?! Whatever happened to "say no to sex before marriage"?!
From the time that I have become, well, matured enough to understand "relationships", I have noticed girls who work towards a certain guy they like. They see a guy who they feel is "boyfriend material", they pursue him. They call him, buy stuff for him, give him their notes from class, agree to whatever he says, blink innocently at him, find out what his favourite colour is and make sure all their clothes are that colour... in other words, they put on a mask for him. They become what he wants them to become! After all this, the guy is forced to fall in love with them because, voila, here is the girl who perfectly fits into his dream girl mould! And its another thing that she massages his ego in the exact right manner too!
But how can something like that work out? How long can you fake it? How long can you run to please a person? Won't you get tired of this game?
And in all this, where is the love?!
Supposing the girl really does love the guy, but isn't it one sided? The guy sees only that part of the girl that pleases him, and that too because she shows only that aspect of hers. Won't he ultimately discover that side of her which he does not like? Won't he discover later on, that she was actually faking it all, and that she is in reality a totally different person? I mean, it is possible to love a person inspite of different interests and different opinions on things. But whatever happened to good old honesty and transparency?!
I, for one, cannot bring myself to perform certain actions just because that would appease the guy I like. I believe in being myself. I believe in being honest. If he likes what he sees, well, he'll take me. If not, then fine. But transforming myself totally just because I want him to like me? I doubt that'll ever happen!
If this is why I am still single, then so be it! I'd rather die a maid then become somebody else just because I want to be wanted!
Does any of that makes sense?! Yes? No? Whatever!! Just forget it!! :D :D